Open Letter Regarding Contingency Preparations for Kidney Surgery

A couple of my friends are going under the knife tomorrow morning – one of them is giving up one of her kidneys for the other, something that was done with no hesitation and incredible bravery. This is to them.

Guys,

Just to clarify, for the backup plan for each of you I need a force-ranking of the following in case of necessary necromancy:

  • Ghoul
  • Ghost
  • Mummy (coptic jars in fashionable choice of silver, gold, clay or titanium – I recommend the last)
  • Liche (see Mummy above for options)
  • Skeleton (jester cap optional)
  • Zombie (first three grafts and/or prosthetics, including optional acid lymphatic system, on the house)
  • Wraith
  • Freddy Krueger

(1) Sorry, I don’t do vampires anymore. After a lot of soul-searching, I now object to making them on both ethical and religious grounds.

(2) Signatures do require two witnesses. Last time I didn’t require counter-signing I got sued. In related news, the American legal system is apparently very unsympathetic towards necromancy. Intolerant bastards.

GT

P.S. Yes, I would be even worse than this if it was me who was going under the hatchet. Far, far worse.

P.P.S. This is how I deal with worrying about you guys. Love you both.

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